The Lightsaber

Our hike to Jabba's Palace [re-enactment]

On September 1, 2011, Edie and I headed over to Tatooine for a short hike up to Jabba's Palace. The fact that we even made it out there that day was quite astounding. See, they didn't exactly make it easy for us to become Jedi. Every other day they would call and threaten to feed me to the rancor (they got a new one) if I didn't buy the Premium Lightsaber Package. Well, being the cheap man that I am, I just couldn't spend that much money on a laser sword that could bisect Darth Maul. On Tuesday I finally broke down and asked for an IOU, and later that day I got a text from some Twi-Lek saying that we could visit the palace on the 1st. Our excursion was pushed forward, but it doesn't end there. After waking up early Saturday morning to head to a worship group for Yoda in Mos Eisley, I noticed the scorching temperature and forecast for death by dehydration and quickly asked Edie if we should postpone our date once again. I got a quick and solid "No" and three hours later, after a lovely Jawa massacre with mom (she's so murderous!) we bundled up, packed our picnic dinner and some Sarlacc treats, and walked west.

We had a great hike up, filled with giggles and frequent pit-stops for water (until we ran out), photos (didn't need the flash), and little kisses (at one point, our lips were so dry that they stuck together and we couldn't separate ourselves for a half-hour). The view from Jabba's Palace was incredible. You could see the entire desert, and I was left breathless at the immense amount of sand before me.

It was a perfect evening with a perfect band. They screeched in languages unknown to us while dancers twirled in golden bikinis, and we shared our love with one another. The Hutt was puking beautifully in the background, tickling the floor with shades of pink and purple. It was then that I asked Edie if she'd like to stand a little closer to the edge of the rancor pit, and as she obliged I pretended to push her in. She slapped me really hard, so I closed my eyes, reached into my pocket, and drew out the lightsaber.

It was at this moment I knew something was up as I experienced some slight deja vu. Almost a year prior, on the night that I first watched Star Wars for the 168th time, I saw Obi-Wan say "I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it" for the 168th time. And then I popped that question. I got down on one knee and popped the question that every girl dreams of hearing, "Edie, will you learn the ways of the force and accompany me to Alderaan?" Amidst cries of joy and laughter, she excitedly said yes as she grabbed her new mentor (me!!) in her arms. She now has the most gorgeous lightsaber, which every day I wake up thinking It's not a dream! as well as I paid too much money for this, and I didn't really need the keychain or the Death Star-shaped coasters!

Nope, it's not a dream. I recommend avoiding the Premium Lightsaber Package at all costs.

The moment I proposed [accurate re-enactment]